Dude, you’ve got an apple in front of your face, like right there
So I girded my loins, caffeined myself up, put on some really peppy music and waded back into the swamp that is #TheTriggering — the Twitter hashtag designed to give the internet’s biggest jerks an excuse to be even more jerky than usual.
Having spent a few hours slogging through the hashtag earlier today, I expected to find an endless number of wholly unoriginal, and wholly uninteresting Tweets posted by jerky jerks trying so hard to be offensive it was almost painful to watch. Almost painful, definitely boring.
Ah, but something about the hashtag had changed since I last looked in on it!
The tweets have gotten much less predictable, and a good deal stranger, so much so that the “serious” $TheTriggering Tweets are becoming harder and harder to tell from the deliberately surreal Tweets from puckish SJWs trolling the hashtag.
As far as I can figure it, the “serious” would-be triggerers have, after more than 20 hours of non-stop would-be triggering, simply run out of offensive things to say.
Seriously, how many times can you post “there are only two genders” before everyone gets thoroughly bored by this bit of edginess. Well, ok, a LOT, but never mind that for now, because my point is that the serious would-be triggerers have had to come up with brand-new things to offend people with.
And, well, they’re pretty hilariously bad at it.
#TheTriggering When I play hide and seek, I'm even harder to find than crashed Malaysian flights
— snip*s (@fwra1234) March 10, 2016
#TheTriggering The new Ghostbustets trailer was fucking awful!
— #HillaryForPrison (@james141980) March 10, 2016
Contemporary feminism is a bunch of obese ugly women angry that entertainers don't like thunder thighs #thetriggering
— Shmex Fullkok (@Shmexonaught) March 10, 2016
Blue is not your colour.#TheTriggering
— SKELTER (@SKELTER1SKELTER) March 10, 2016
Glaciers are not sexist you retards.#TheTriggering
— PewpSchute (@ThePewpschute) March 10, 2016
Meanwhile, others in the hashtag are descending into incoherence.
Modern feminists are just jelous that they dont have a penis to fuck her grill #TheTriggering
— Both Boat (@BothBoat403) March 10, 2016
being an irresponsible slut who cant control her own sex organs in a fit of pique is not reason enough to have an abortion#thetriggering
— Feminine Fatality. (@suainthesack) March 10, 2016
This guy kind of has a point, though.
Seriously, fuck Americans, and Canadians, and Middle Easterners. Also Europeans. Oh, don't forget Asians. I just hate people.#thetriggering
— EricTheEpic13 (@LIVE_In_Reverse) March 10, 2016
And this guy is pretty good at parodying #TheTriggering Tweets.
Blind people just need to try harder. #TheTriggering
— Whatever Forever (@Scotch_Sailor) March 10, 2016
I just think we should be able to say "breasticles" at work, ok? #TheTriggering
— Whatever Forever (@Scotch_Sailor) March 10, 2016
Hey, he even made the same Trump steaks joke I made a few days ago:
@Ncoleycole @NatalieLanovill Are they made of real trump?
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) March 4, 2016
Trump steaks are made from genuine Trump, right?
— Whatever Forever (@Scotch_Sailor) March 5, 2016
Oh, sure, there are still some #TheTriggering Tweets that actually are kind of alarming.
Safe places used for shooting ranges #TheTriggering
— Prez PuppyMonkeyBaby (@HreAmngthDed33) March 10, 2016
It might not stay peaceful…#TheTriggering https://t.co/iNFRlGXTPf
— NationalUnityPatriot (@ArchHighLord) March 10, 2016
And lots of standard-issue white supremacist crap.
"Diversity" is a dogwistle term for anti-white.#Thetriggering
— Cincinnatus (@OnlyCincinnatus) March 10, 2016
There's a certain "tribe" with a propensity for anti-white subversion, and once you notice, you'll never unsee it.#TheTriggering
— MAGA TBH FAM (@TrumpHat) March 10, 2016
#TheTriggering #holohoax No blue stains in chambers. Plague changed from 4mil to 1mil yet 6 – 3 = 6mil https://t.co/4ygNmWK2SQ via @youtube
— Adolf Hitler (@AHitler88NSDAP) March 10, 2016
But at this point the serious Tweets are giving way to Tweets that are just surreal. (And no, these aren’t all from SJWs trolling the hashtag.)
#TheTriggering pic.twitter.com/k5Dsmiv6NV
— AngryComicist❄️ (@AngryComicist) March 10, 2016
#TheTriggering pic.twitter.com/OznEOOCkBz
— AngryComicist❄️ (@AngryComicist) March 10, 2016
#thetriggering pic.twitter.com/usIXyTY0Hl
— Le SJW xD (@waifuscotland) March 10, 2016
#thetriggering pic.twitter.com/pWVAu2zSyW
— ᴏ, ғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ. (@blakebelladonna) March 10, 2016
Honestly, that’s the most terrifying thing I’ve seen so far in #TheTriggering.